Reasons why I CAN QUIT DRINKING ANYTIME I WANT, MOM.
Do you see any of your beeswax over here?
- 1.If you can't handle me at my "screaming at bouncers that I'm totally not drunk" you don't deserve me at my best.That guy was an asshole anyway
- 2.I don't have a drinking problem. That bottle of bourbon has a me problem.Bulleit Rye 💯
- 3.Dry-heaving at 7am is a totally viable abdominal workout.Helps me keep my figure
- 4.If I quit drinking I'll have to start doing something else and neither of us wants me to develop a mdma habit.I'll hang the fucking Christmas lights year 'round and I swear to god
- 5.All my friends do it.At least the ones I haven't alienated
- 6.That fake Santa had it coming.Doesn't drinking just remind you of the holidays? 😍🎅🏻
- 7.I'll "shut the fuck up" at grandma's birthday when I damn well please.As you so eloquently put it
- 8.Something about a glass of wine everyday and cancer.Pretty sure there were studies
- 9.Reeking of gin is a compliment. I smell like pine tree.While you're covered in the stink of your imminent divorce
- 10.And I didn't call you a bitch. I said you were acting "bitchy."And that's really neither here nor there