Game of Perts

2 in 1 should be easy and fun (a second post attempt)
  1. Today was my first day back at my parents' house. While I had run out of shampoo back in NY, there was one thing I could count on here:
  2. My younger brother and I share a bathroom at home, where I was unsurprised to see 5 total bottles of Pert 2 in 1 in plain view.
  3. The first sat on the sink. "Ah," I thought, "an empty." So I got into the shower like the trusting fool that I am and cranked up the water temp.
  4. Rookie mistake.
  5. I took a bottle from the middle of the shower wall. It was light, but I opened it and gave a squeeze.
  6. Nothing.
  7. I put it down, then immediately forgot which of the two central bottles I had tried and decided to work my way from one end. Don't judge my forgetting, I was distracted thinking about a dream I had last night about a member of The Lonely Island. Don't judge that either.
    Or you can if you really want to. It doesn't matter in the scheme of my existence. We're all gonna die someday.
  8. The far left bottle yielded no return.
  9. The next was like the sad old cow from Into The Woods, producing nothing.
  10. I was shaken by the time I came to the third green weirdly wavy vessel.
  11. Nearly nothing. But if I squeezed over and over again, I could get the smallest imaginable return. It was like an illustration for beating a dead horse, but I ended up with MAYBE a dime-sized amount of shampoo.
  12. Tried the fourth bottle, awkwardly balancing my teensy trace of tonic in my other hand.
  13. No dice.
  14. "Well," I thought, "all the better the protect your natural oils," and proceeded to pretend to wash my hair.
  15. Before leaving the bathroom I decided to check that bottle on the sink.
  16. Why?
  17. Because I hate myself, subconsciously, I assume.
  18. But don't get excited, because that bottle was empty too!!!!
  19. Bet you thought it had something, even a smidge!
  20. Nope.
  21. Apparently my bro and I are just trash people who refuse to grow up and recycle, instead allowing 5 goddamn empty shampoo containers, all of the same brand, to live in this sad, sad shower.
  22. At least we also had ice cream cake, so that became the most notable part of my day.