Not that they usually work.
  1. I will sleep better tonight.
    Giphy
    Though the same could be accomplished with whiskey or herbal supplements, probably. I bet Ron sleeps like rock.
  2. If I exercise, my energy levels are supposed to improve.
    Giphy
    But coffee is so effective!
  3. I'll have a better chance of survival if I'm ever attacked.
    Giphy
    Right now I'm just banking on adrenaline, anxiety-aided levels of hyperawareness, and general ferocity.
  4. I could add years to my life.
    Giphy
    But also I want to enjoy my life, and I mostly enjoy sedentary things. And art-making, but a lot of that process still involves being sedentary.
  5. I can naturally combat some of my anxiety and depression.
    Giphy
    I actually don't have a counter for this. It's a good reason. I should probably work out.