Things That Would Increase The Chances Of Me Watching Sportsball

Which right now are about 1/10000000000etcetc
  1. If commentators were visiting female comedians.
    The list I'd tune in for SO LONG. Amy Schumer, the 4 above, any lady who has ever been on SNL, Maria Bamford, on and on.
  2. If instead of stats, mentions of specific players were followed up by very personal anecdotes about them.
    Childhood stories! Hot gossip! Their favorite snacks to shovel mindlessly down their gullets during a Netflix binge! Make them relatable!!!
  3. Every game getting its own halftime show, of some kind.
    I might watch golf if Key & Peele performed new sketches every long-ass time the players walked to find their balls or whatever happens in golf tv.
  4. Being offered plentiful free food and alcoholic beverages.
    This has actually worked. Super Bowl parties have excellent snackage.
  5. If the sports were being played by likeable actors, wearing mics so that we could keep up with the dialogue.
    I want to hear all the sick burns! The double-crossed best friendships! The forbidden love! Give me Romeo and Julien on the soccer field! Preferably with musical numbers. Then I'll be as invested as these two ^^^
  6. And of course:
  7. Beyoncé
    See? She's doing the sports! Freestyle!