Times I Told Myself "You'll Get Em Next Time, Champ" This Week

I'll never not be this way.
  1. When my long skirt fell in the toilet, and I peed on it.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  2. When I called my parents to ask how credit cards work.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  3. When I was too afraid to take out the garbage without a buddy because cockroaches.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  4. When I read the ListApp stock list "Places I'd Like to Visit" as "Places I'd Like to Sit" and thought, hell yeah, that's my area.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  5. When I tried to turn left, gave up, and then drove aimlessly around Los Angeles.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  6. When I had to explain to the barista why I had my own face emblazoned on my debit card.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  7. When my cousin snapchatted me, and I had nothing to offer because I was alone in my house with a Kleenex stuffed up my nose, and we're not on that level yet.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  8. When the public library's printing system was too elaborate for me to crack without assistance.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  9. When I left out my earplugs, and my roommate's cat ate them and then pooped blood.
    You'll get em next time, champ.
  10. When I wrote out "You'll get em next time, champ" 10 times before realizing I should just copy and paste.
    You'll get em next time, champ.