Holidays Ranked

  1. 1.
    Christmas
    The Super Bowl of holidays.
  2. 2.
    Thanksgiving
    No worrying about gifts; all you have to do is eat, watch football, and nap. The perfect holiday.
  3. 3.
    Halloween
    Must've been invented by a kid genius.
  4. 4.
    Chanukah
    Outsmarted ourselves with this one. "See, it's even better than Christmas -- there are EIGHT days of presents!" By drawing it out, we diluted it, basically turning the Super Bowl (Christmas) into the World Series.
  5. 5.
    New Year's Eve
    Festive, sure, but there's some anxiety involved, because it's really the Sunday of the holiday season. On the East Coast, after Jan 1st, the lights come down and it's cold and dark for literally about 100 days.
  6. 6.
    Passover
    Thanksgiving, but you got to work for it and the food isn't as good.
  7. 7.
    Easter
    Eggs. Meh.
  8. 8.
    Daylight Saving Time
    Not technically a holiday, I guess, but it should be. And while on the topic, why the hell are we shortening the day in the first place? Farmers ruin everything.
  9. 9.
    Memorial Day
    Should be the official start of Summer.
  10. 10.
    Labor Day
    Long weekend, good weather, but kind of sucks because it means it's the end of Summer.
  11. 11.
    Presidents Day
    Day off. I'll take it.
  12. 12.
    Valentine's Day
    Just kidding.