Things I'm Doing to Prepare for "the Big One"
In light of that terrifying new New Yorker article.
- •Bolting bookshelf to wall. Bolting books to shelves. Gluing pages shut.
- •Establishing who on my block would be easiest to subdue and devour.
- •Stocking up on bottled water for my family. Stocking up on coconut water for my worst enemies.
- •Purchasing hand crank radio, hand crank Nespresso coffee maker, hand crank Sonicare toothbrush.
- •Trying to befriend stoic guy down the street with camouflage pickup. Seems like he'll know what to do.
- •Teaching cat to swim in the event of a tsunami. Bolting cat to the wall.
- •Emptying out all Drafts folders.
- •Preparing last second "I'll always remember you..." email to the cooks at Father's Office.