5 REASONS WHY MY LIFE IS GOOD
And I bet it's gooder than yours
- •I'm not deadThis is big. Being dead is a major drag, perhaps the majorist of drags.
- •I have a job and an apartmentHaving a job is good because you make money and having an apartment is good because you can shit with the door open.
- •A bird's feather falls by my feet every time I leave the houseAt first I thought this was an omen, but after securing the items in #2 and still not being #1, I realized that these birds' feathers are a sign of good luck. I awake each morning with a positive demeanor and the knowledge that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, all thanks to the feathers. As you can probably suspect, my feet were a little light on the feathers in the sunshine state.
- •My alarm clock is an old Asian woman gasps and says, "It's You! The one who will vanquish the evil King and save our kingdom!"Talk about a good way to start your day! In Florida I was waking up with a stupid iPhone ringtone, but this is empowering!