OLDEST CHILD THINGS I DID TO MY YOUNGER SIBLINGS WHEN WE WERE KIDS, RANKED
As the oldest kid in the house, it's your job to mess with the younger kids. Here are my greatest hits. (PS - I'm really a nice person now!)
- •The Skeleton ScareI told Anna (the youngest) that she had a skeleton in her body and it freaked her out. As tricks go, it's extremely basic, second only to "your epidermis is showing." But her reaction makes it worth mentioning. What a baby.
- •Oops...I forgotElise, the 2nd youngest, was new to the toilet game. She used it, but still needed help. Mom was cooking dinner, so she asked me (the responsible one) to help. At the time, @erinflusche & I were watching a riveting ep of Punky Brewster. I told Elise to get started & I'd help her at commercial. Over 30 minutes later, Mom said it was time for dinner & asked where Elise was. We realized we'd forgotten her & found her asleep in front of the toilet. Proud of her for not having peed her pants though!
- •The ButtonWhen my brother and I shared a room as kids, there was a brief period of time where I convinced him that he had a button on his stomach and if I pushed it, he would be able to move super fast. I'd poke him in the stomach and he'd zoom around our room cleaning up all our toys while I lounged on the bottom bunk watching. If he ever started to slow down, I'd poke him again and he'd speed back up.
- •The Invisible FriendWhen I was about 5, I'd heard stories and seen shows about kids having imaginary friends. I felt I was too old to have one, since I knew they weren't real, but I thought my brother Austin should have one. So I told him there was a friend that looked exactly like him but was rainbow colored and his name was Different Colored Austin. They played together for years.
- •BobI'm more proud of this story than I should be. I didn't set out to be so mean, it just happened. Here goes. Anna, the baby, was very young. Maybe 3 or 4. We were playing in the living room. Dad was in the kitchen, where he could hear us. (This detail will be important.) The phone rang. I ran in the other room to answer it, but it was a wrong number or someone selling something. No big deal. I came back in the living room and Anna asked who'd been on the phone. At this moment, I was inspired...
- •Bob continuedI said, "It was the doctor. He said they made a mistake when you were born and you're actually a boy, not a girl. Since we would've named you after Grandad if you were a boy, we're going to start calling you Bob now." She didn't believe me, but I kept insisting. She finally yelled for Dad in that voice that means she's going to tattle. Dad answered from the kitchen, "Yeah, Bob?" and she immediately started weeping. We both felt kind of bad, but it was also hilarious.