1. My wife and I had an open marriage and she found someone better. (Thought to myself, so could I).
  2. My X-wife paid me $10,000 to leave the state. ( I thought about paying him to leave the state too. )
  3. You don't think I look like my picture ? ( no I don't, they were 10 years old ).
  4. I will get rid of my cat for you ( I'm allergic).
  5. I love you. Will you marry me? ( As he stares intensely into my eyes.
  6. It's a long story why I am getting divorced ( Could it be the restraining order on the case search I found )
  7. I take care of my mom. She gets a laxative every night. ( I think he changes her diaper in the morning )
  8. This is the first time I have been out in one year.
  9. Told me he wasn't married. The first date he kept saying my wife. ( he was married).
  10. I've been only married once. I don't count the second one or like to tell anyone about the second one. ( He cheated on his 1st wife with his 2nd wife. Now the 2nd wife cheated on him )