ACTUAL WAYS I'VE GREETED MY SECURITY GUARD AT WORK OVER THE PAST MONTH

My work security guard, Wirth, is typically the 1st person I speak to every weekday morning. At the beginning of Dec. I began documenting the brief interactions we have as I enter the building and he swipes me into my office. I always considered Wirth to be a friend- It wasn't until writing these all down that I realized Wirth definitely hates me.
  1. "Another day, another dollar"
    *Make It Rain motion*
  2. "Well, we meet again"
    I used this greeting twice in the month of December- both times with a British accent. People love that.
  3. "New hair cut?" "No?" "Well, it certainly looks different."
    I'm sure to very sure that Wirth lied to me- homeboy's hair was cut.
  4. "There's nothin like a Tuesday"
    Repeated every Tuesday.
  5. "New hair cut?" "No?"
    Lied to again.
  6. "Let's do this thang."
    *Wirth shakes head*
  7. "No, I'm not sick. But thank you for asking"
    Apparently Wirth doesn't think I look great in a top bun.
  8. "Happy Friday, compadre"
    Spanglish- Good for me.
  9. "Give it to me I'm Wirth It🎶🎶"
    Despite my efforts, Wirth is not interested in making this his theme song.
  10. "How was your 5th night of Chanukah?" "What? I could've sworn you were Jewish!"
    ....not the case.
  11. "Did you get wild this weekend?"
    Didn't get a response on this one.
  12. "You about to get wild this weekend?"
    He pretended not to hear me.
  13. "Give me Starbucks or give me death- Amirite?"
    ....crickets