ACTUAL WAYS I'VE GREETED MY SECURITY GUARD AT WORK OVER THE PAST MONTH
My work security guard, Wirth, is typically the 1st person I speak to every weekday morning. At the beginning of Dec. I began documenting the brief interactions we have as I enter the building and he swipes me into my office. I always considered Wirth to be a friend- It wasn't until writing these all down that I realized Wirth definitely hates me.
- •"Another day, another dollar"*Make It Rain motion*
- •"Well, we meet again"I used this greeting twice in the month of December- both times with a British accent. People love that.
- •"New hair cut?" "No?" "Well, it certainly looks different."I'm sure to very sure that Wirth lied to me- homeboy's hair was cut.
- •"There's nothin like a Tuesday"Repeated every Tuesday.
- •"New hair cut?" "No?"Lied to again.
- •"Let's do this thang."*Wirth shakes head*
- •"No, I'm not sick. But thank you for asking"Apparently Wirth doesn't think I look great in a top bun.
- •"Happy Friday, compadre"Spanglish- Good for me.
- •"Give it to me I'm Wirth It🎶🎶"Despite my efforts, Wirth is not interested in making this his theme song.
- •"How was your 5th night of Chanukah?" "What? I could've sworn you were Jewish!"....not the case.
- •"Did you get wild this weekend?"Didn't get a response on this one.
- •"You about to get wild this weekend?"He pretended not to hear me.
- •"Give me Starbucks or give me death- Amirite?"....crickets