How to Win Over a Wife

Thanks for the request, Kaitlyn.
  1. I've never had to "win over" anyone in my life, but to make a wife more agreeable...
  2. If she be Spanish:
    Praise her dancing, no matter how silly. Allow her ambassador to come to court without bathing.
  3. If she be raised in the French court:
    Compliment her hood. Praise her beauty in French. Compose a song or poem about her maidenhead.
  4. If she be a true English rose:
    She loves you so completely, her adoration is secured without word or deed. Give her every jewel in the treasury, anyway.
  5. If she be a Germanic princess:
    Don't bother.
  6. If she be young and airy in the head:
    Install extra looking glasses in her chamber. Surround her with flowers.
  7. If she be extraordinarily intelligent:
    Look the other way as she explores heresy. Allow her to personally dress your leg wound.