It is Time to Remember and Celebrate Me, Colonial Pissants

Had my line continued, there would be no 4th of July codswallop. You'd be singing odes to Tudors and carrying on the Great Traditions, like...
  1. Pin the jewel on the codpiece
    Bonus points if you do it with your mouth
  2. Deep fried lard-butter balls with syrup
    I could've put Paula Deen to much better use.
  3. Annual Cromwell Effigy Manure Toss
  4. Fat Ginger Tithe
    This may be still be applicable in some areas of your country.
  5. Mementos for all:
    Pope-On-A-Rope (does not cleanse well), Flanders Mare Blankets, Souvenir Tudor Portraits including Wife Series Suitable for Hanging