WHY THE WORLD IS STILL FASCINATED AND CAPTIVATED BY ME
Beloved everywhere, after five hundred years.
- •You may recall a corpulent ginger demi-god who bellowed rage and hellfire at all who displeased him and ordered, from time to time, an appropriate and well-deserved beheading.But there's much more to love, adore and appreciate. For example:
- •The people really wanted no more papal.Zippier Sunday Services, more peasant family time. Done and done, England.
- •Romantic devil who effortlessly charmed every woman he encountered.Never met a woman who didn't want to marry me.
- •Built up England's navy to military superiorityYour armada doesn't a-matta much.
- •Athletic grace and vigorUnsurpassed. Plus perfectly sculpted legs
- •Mesmerizing dance movesThey swooned even when I was in disguise.
- •Flawless fashion gameGlorious capes and codpieces always on fleek.
- •Epically talented composer and musicianMuch better music than that drippy crapfest Greensleeves they try to accuse me of.
- •Greatest concentration of intelligence in a single human being ever.Many subjects told me this.
- •Peed on France at every opportunityEverybody wants to.
- •Maintained positive attitude despite wives having almost exclusively girl eggs.Thank God for Jane's splendid boy egg.