WHY THE WORLD IS STILL FASCINATED AND CAPTIVATED BY ME

Beloved everywhere, after five hundred years.
  1. You may recall a corpulent ginger demi-god who bellowed rage and hellfire at all who displeased him and ordered, from time to time, an appropriate and well-deserved beheading.
    But there's much more to love, adore and appreciate. For example:
  2. The people really wanted no more papal.
    Zippier Sunday Services, more peasant family time. Done and done, England.
  3. Romantic devil who effortlessly charmed every woman he encountered.
    Never met a woman who didn't want to marry me.
  4. Built up England's navy to military superiority
    Your armada doesn't a-matta much.
  5. Athletic grace and vigor
    Unsurpassed. Plus perfectly sculpted legs
  6. Mesmerizing dance moves
    They swooned even when I was in disguise.
  7. Flawless fashion game
    Glorious capes and codpieces always on fleek.
  8. Epically talented composer and musician
    Much better music than that drippy crapfest Greensleeves they try to accuse me of.
  9. Greatest concentration of intelligence in a single human being ever.
    Many subjects told me this.
  10. Peed on France at every opportunity
    Everybody wants to.
  11. Maintained positive attitude despite wives having almost exclusively girl eggs.
    Thank God for Jane's splendid boy egg.