Things Basic Bitches Have Ruined For Me

I'm an educated, independent, young woman, yet basic for liking the following things:
  1. Wine
    I teach, therefore I drink. However, sadly, drinking wine is the life nectar of a basic. I swear to Bacchus, I will gouge my eyes out if I see a basic post another meme on how much wine she drinks.
  2. Pizza
    My family has lived in Brooklyn for generations. I was eating pizza in the womb. If need be, I can shotgun a pizza Liz Lemon style. So basic bitches step off. You know nothing about loving pizza.
  3. Snapchat, Instagram, ect. (Basically all social media)
    Filters and lenses are photoshopping for basics. Thanks basics for giving men unrealistic expectations on what I should look like and that I look hotter with a puppy nose... Wait what?!
  4. Eating too much
    Everyone eats, honey. If you really want to impress us with your overeating, I challenge you to enter the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Down 40 of those heartburn sticks in a minute and then come brag to me.
  5. Napping/Sleeping
    Yawn, stop boring me basics, everyone loves to sleep too.
  6. Brunch
    If you sleep in on the weekends and then get something to eat, I believe you are brunching. So theoretically doesn't everyone brunch? Or does brunch only exist when you Instagram/Snapchat it?
  7. Audrey Hepburn
    This one hurts. I'm a huge classic movies fan. Loved Audrey ever since I saw "My Fair Lady" when I was 8. However, she's now a symbol for basics. Bet they can't even name two movies of hers besides "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
  8. Beyonce
    One of the greatest entertainers of our generations. I'll say no more. Don't want to mess with the Beyhive.
  9. Dating
    When I tell a guy how much I love all the things above, I sound like a basic bitch and who wants to deal with all their repetitive jokes on basic-esque things? Just can't win. Now excuse me while I sing "Single Ladies" and dance like an awkward chicken in my room.
  10. (This post was not meant to knock any women down. If you like to the above things, you keep on doing you. Just please don't post it on snapchat so much or come up with new joke material. Don't define yourself as basic, it's a cultural marketing trap. You were born to stand out!)