Instances that secure my shot at some lifetime parenting award

I'm really not a shitty mom. But as I compile this list, I'm shocked my kids aren't in therapy already.
  1. When my youngest was showing her newest swimming trick in the early days of pool confidence.
    Me: "I'm sure that felt more dramatic than it actually looked."
  2. That time my daughter (then 10) noted my red wine stained teeth.
    Me: "That's why you always drink white wine in social situations."
  3. When my girls were like 7 & 4 and having a super bratty day and we were in the car and I had no escape and I had reached my limit.
    I pulled into a random apartment complex & told them I was taking them to their new family.
  4. When my youngest daughter was in fifth grade she asked what she should do if someone hit her. Should she hit them back?
    I said we're SUPPOSED to be like Jesus and not hit them back. But I'd probably hit them back.
  5. When the girls were little and still believed in Santa Claus, we told them Santa probably got sick of all the cookies & milk, and preferred cheese & crackers instead. So that's what they left him.
    It went with our Christmas Eve wine better.
  6. When we homeschooled and the girls would sometimes complain about the style of clothes I bought them (when they were really young and I actually cared about what they wore).
    I told them I would sell all their clothes and only let them wear denim skirts and denim jumpers.
  7. I'm the worst.