BOOKS I NEVER WROTE AND ALSO MOVIES? I GUESS.

  1. 1.
    A couple sits down for dinner. Neither can remember the other. *Enter Jerry Seinfeld, hilarity ensues*
  2. 2.
    10 reasons why he/she isn't interested in you and what it's like to be hermaphrodite.
  3. 3.
    Tupperware and why it's tearing your family apart.
  4. 4.
    The movie would be titled E.T. Extra Testicle. It will be a romantic comedy.
  5. 5.
    Birds and bees and sexual consent. Action with a bit of horror.
  6. 6.
    Why at night my body is warm but my feet are cold and other reasons I'm God's mistake.
  7. 7.
    Two men go in for an arm wrestling match. Like all wrestling it is faked. Man "finishes".
  8. 8.
    Man around age 25 spends his night writing lists of things he's never done instead of working on said things. He chokes on some cake. Fin.