Really true facts about flying✈️

All according to my brain.
  1. On any given flight you have about a 60% chance of survival.
    This is good news! You might actually make it to your destination! Be careful about planning for the future though.
  2. If there is heavy turbulence that chance plummets to about 5%
    Now is the time to think about all the things you have done wrong in your life. And decide what to do differently should you survive.
  3. You can control the plane with your mind and body.
    The pilot is not in charge, you are. By tensing up and thinking don't crash repeatedly you are helping the plane make the journey.
  4. If you fall asleep you will most likely be waken by bad turbulence.
    This is of course connected to the fact that you control the plane. There's no way you can do that while sleeping.
  5. An old fact that's been proven false: By bringing your yellow bum bag with parrots on, your strawberry roll on lipgloss and strawberry gum you will keep the plane safe.
    Also proven untrue: that you cause turbulence by going to the bathroom.