THINGS I DO TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF AT WORK
I am a maître d at some place or something.
- •Making confirmation calls with the cadence of an airplane pilot.I know this does not translate into text, but it's a treat.
- •Mentally catalogue engagement ring size to age difference of partner.Diamond the size of a small lost planet + baseball cap to conceal receding hairline = big age difference. There's usually an ill fitting Ralph Lauren polo involved.
- •Flirt with babies.I got some smooth moves. Puffin my cheeks out, crossin my eyes so hard it feels like they'll be stuck that way. Really reels em in.
- •Sit bad guests with my least favorite server.I also slowly and systematically move her tables closer together. This is the cruelest way I entertain myself at work. Nothing gold can stay pony boy.
- •Google guestsFor instance we had a gentleman regularly visit who referred to himself as honorable. Not as in a quality or personality trait but as a title. Like The honorable John Smith. His google results were treasures.
- •Play with the doorstop.I spend a lot of my time standing. Doorstop breaks up the monotony of it all. Doorstop is love. Doorstop is life.