Careers I Have Considered (and Why I Rejected Them)

A roughly chronological list of all the various career options I went through before settling for never making any money as a writer but liking it. Please enjoy my slowly crumbling expectations.
  1. Pediatrician (Age 5)
    Why I rejected this career: Turns out I don't like children. Also, medical school takes forever and requires science.
  2. Veterinarian (Age 9-11)
    Why I rejected this career: Turns out I don't like animals much either.
  3. Lawyer (Age 13)
    Why I rejected this career: Realised I was way more interested in Benson and Stabler's plot lines than anything Novak or Cabot did.
  4. Detective (Age 14)
    Why I rejected this career: Did not want to start by working undercover as a stripper in Vice and work my way through the ranks because that's gross.
  5. Forensic Examiner (also Age 14)
    Why I rejected this career: Required so many science classes I was bad at to get to the stuff I was good at and interested it I would have been in school forever. (Little did I know...)
  6. Linguist/Translator (Age 15)
    Why I rejected this career: Discovered that I actually suck at learning foreign languages.
  7. County Coroner (also Age 15)
    Why I rejected this career: Guess what? You have to get a full medical degree to deal with dead people too.
  8. Actor (Age 16)
    Why I rejected this career: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah no I sucked at this.
  9. Theatrical Lighting Designer (Age 17-19)
    Why I rejected this career: Apparently a crippling fear of heights is not something you can just work around when you need to climb 75ft up rickety ladders with a 30lb lighting instrument in one hand.
  10. Theatre Director (Age 20)
    Why I rejected this career: Because I can only fight both the patriarchy and my own crippling self-doubt SO MUCH on a daily basis.
  11. Theatrical Stage Manager (Age we're-gonna-stop-counting-now)
    Why I rejected this career: Technically I did and do this. It just makes me wanna die, so I'm attempting to phase it out. Only guaranteed paid job on theatre, ironically.
  12. Professional Hermit
    Why I rejected this career: nobody maintains a proper folly these days. And my beard just isn't lush enough.
  13. Stripper/Pole Dance
    Why I rejected this career: I'm a terrible dancer.
  14. Office Manager
    Why I rejected this career: Couldn't get an interview.
  15. Retail Worker
    Why I rejected this career: Couldn't get an interview.
  16. SEASONAL Retail Worker
    Why I rejected this career: Couldn't get an interview.
  17. Hobo
    Why I rejected this career: Parents let me move back in with them.
  18. Teacher
    Why I rejected this career: Haven't totally discounted this yet...but GEEZ is it difficult to get into for a job that doesn't actually get the respect of pay it's due.
  19. Writer
    ...and we have a winner. At least until somebody tells me this also requires medical school.