MOST EMBARRASSING THINGS I'VE EVER DONE

  1. 2014, Charlottesville- Drove away from Bellair market with my Toyota 4Runner connected to the gas pump.
  2. 2015, Las Vegas - Stumbled back to my room at the Wynn and set my alarm to watch my beloved UVA hoops play Michigan state in the tourney. Woke up in a haze, realized I had the time zones wrong. hoos down 7 with 40 seconds left. With defeat imminent I fired up a tweet thanking Akil Mitchell for a great season. Mitchell played his last game in 2014.
  3. 2015, St Louis - went to see Star Wars. Bumped my head on the cardboard display above the soda machine real hard. It wobbled for 4 seconds. Really loud.
  4. 2016, Atlanta airport - Before takeoff, got up to go to the bathroom. Bumped my head on the tv above the aisle really hard.
  5. 2016, over the Atlantic - On a flight from Atlanta to St. John, got up to use the bathroom and bumped my head on the tv above the aisle moderately hard. Heard laughter.
  6. 1990ish, Los Angeles - My dad and I met his childhood hero, Charlton Heston. I said "you were great in Spartacus." Kirk Douglas was in Spartacus.
  7. 1992, Los Angeles - scored my bucket of the game in the opposing basket.
  8. 1996, Charlottesville - Hit my first home run of my little league career. Did not touch home plate. Allegedly. Called out.
  9. 1999, Charlottesville - After pleading with my JV coach to allow me to carry the football, I took the handoff and tripped for a three yard loss.
  10. 2013, St. Louis - purchased a 1996 impala SS with low miles. Got a stopwatch that made the stop watch noise. Played the drive soundtrack repeatedly in my new impala. My second day with the vehicle during rush hour, I accelerated getting on the highway and swerved into the median. Impala totaled. Created heavy traffic.
  11. 1995, Virginia - Was singing Stevie Wonder really loud and my mom's friend walked in.
  12. 2004, Charlottesville - UVA football freshman rookie show. No one laughed at my skit. Booed offstage.
  13. Los Angeles, 1990 - pooped in best friend's pool. Blamed it on dog.
  14. 2006, Charlottesville - Phone goes off in lecture hall. Chamillionaire ringer.
  15. 2003, Charlottesville - took this photo in front of my friend's dad's pickup truck for Rivals.com.
  16. 2009, St. Louis - Signing autographs after a game. Homeless guy walks up. "How many sacks do you have so far?" "4" Goes from smile to confused look. "What the fuck?" Walks away.