LNSM POLITICAL JOKES

The 2016 election is in full swing. Here are some recent jokes from Seth's monologue celebrating it.
  1. Dr. Ben Carson made news last week by saying that the holocaust could have been averted if European Jews had had guns. Though I’m pretty sure what he meant to say was, “I don’t want to be President.”
  2. Republican presidential hopeful John Kasich made fun of a young woman at a campaign event this week by calling on her for a question and saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any Taylor Swift tickets.” Then this morning, Taylor Swift announced that John Kasich is out of the squad.
  3. Former President Bill Clinton said yesterday that Donald Trump’s campaign has a certain “macho appeal.” And then Trump said, “whoever this Macho is, I want him deported.”
  4. According to experts, Senator Marco Rubio is now expected to be the favorite candidate of GOP officials to secure the Republican nomination. So, in what has to be his nightmare scenario, Donald Trump is being replaced by a Latino.
  5. Republican presidential hopeful Chris Christie said this weekend that he “would rather jump off the Brooklyn Bridge than be in Congress.” And just to be safe, Mayor DeBlasio issued a tsunami warning for lower Manhattan.
  6. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has declared a state of emergency in preparation for Hurricane Joaquin. And Donald Trump declared a state of emergency as soon as he heard the name “Joaquin.”
  7. When asked today if his low poll numbers would make him consider dropping out of the presidential race, Senator Lindsey Graham told reporters, “hell no.” Which, also, incidentally, is his poll number.