THINGS I AM OFFICIALLY TOO OLD FOR

  1. 1.
    Staying up past 1 am.
    Seriously. I can't do this anymore without getting screwed up, discombobulated, and/or profoundly cranky the next morning.
  2. 2.
    Skipping dinner to drop a couple of pounds.
    I did this in high school and in the early years of college whenever I thought my pants were getting too tight. I simply shaved calories off to drop a pound or two - and surprise!! I would always gain it all back. Not only do I now find this practice tragic and unhealthy, I'm also more or less incapable of it; I just can't make myself believe that starving myself is a better alternative than being a little heavier than I'd like while I take responsible & self-preservational all steps to change.
  3. 3.
    Toxic relationships.
    Who has time for this??? Nobody. Friendships and partnerships should be loving and supportive. Period.
  4. 4.
    Soda.
    Just nah.
  5. 5.
    Playing dumb to make other people feel more comfortable around me.
    Talking in a palatable little-girl voice and stripping down my thoughts to match the perceived limits of any given social situation so longer suits me at the age of 22.
  6. 6.
    Fast fashion clothing.
    H&M, Target, Forever 21... We are breaking up. You used to make me feel like I "belonged." Now you make me look grotesque and puffy and uneasy, like a sow in pigtails.
  7. 7.
    Pointless blockbuster movies.
    Don't care, never cared, Deadpool looks fucking awful, there I said it