1. I'll tell ya what, independent artists, they all selling drugs and doing crime. He hasn't caught on yet
  2. Like yah I'm happy being single but in 3 years I want to be married...So that gives me 1.5 years to play the field and 1.5 to lock it down
  3. He stole all my video games! He stole my Mario party 3!
  4. I'm trying to find EDM remixes of old time 50s music...I think I'd like that. Then I can dance at parties
  5. I can't talk about life but in excel I will not steer you wrong
  6. There's a lot of traditions in the Jewish funeral. We're just like wham bam in the ground
  7. I can't watch Family Guy anymore because my daughter hit someone at school and said "well that's what Stewie did!" So now I'm watching Luke Cage
  8. When I was cut off at my nieces quncineria I had 14 drinks but really it was like 7
  9. You called her a bitch in front of her--no she was behind me
  10. My family used to go to Olive Garden and I would eat so many breadsticks I'd have to go lie down in the car halfway through dinner
  11. Puerto Vallarta and Puerto Rico are different? I always thought they were the same
  12. She tends to frown upon excessive drinking
  13. Reggae music it's like grabbing an ass on the dance floor. It just hits you
  14. That sounds like I'm pro rape I'm not pro rape
  15. That's easy when I meet people at a bar they just ask if I'm okay
  16. I still don't know what anthropology is and I took the whole class
  17. The Jewish triathlon : steam room sauna and whirlpool
  18. I once had to do a project with someone who went to bed at 7:30...I did the whole project
  19. Did you ever used to swallow a long string of spaghetti and hold on to the end and pull it back out?
  20. Family banana time! Anytime someone eats a banana they have to walk around and give everyone a bite, including the dog.
  21. That's clever NOT funny
  22. I feel like a dog would spit out squash