SHIT I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET UNDER CONTROL IF I EVER HAVE KID(S)

All hypothetical because I hate children. But I am realistic and think eventually when I get to that point I will maybe have one. Maybe. (Running joke in my family regarding "kid" the one sole grandchild my parents will get). Anyway these are things I probably should get on lock before spawning mini me's.
  1. My fear of spiders
    So when I was young we learned my mom was terrified of snakes and through my dad we also learned that scaring her with fake snakes was hilarious. I think about this a lot because I will have to act not afraid of spiders if my kid ever finds one otherwise they will torture me and honestly this is one of my worst nightmares and I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.
  2. My road rage
    Girl has a serious. Serious. Road rage problem. A product of living in downtown Chicago I think. I cannot be yelling and swearing and swerving and cutting off assholes with my kid(s) in the car. Dangerous.
  3. My sarcasm
    I am sarcastic 99% of the time. I understand this is a difficult form of humor for children to learn. I will need to stop being so sarcastic to/around them so I don't offend them. Bitches can't be crying around me I won't stand that.
  4. My swearing
    I occasionally have a mouth like a fucking sailor. My neighbors growing up would swear in front of us and I once yelled out "SHIT" in the middle of class in 1st grade because I had been spending too much time with them. 😁
  5. My crazy cat lady side
    If my kid(s) finds out I love my cat more than them it will result in years of therapy, probably. But by the time I have kids (if ever) Rue will have been with me for 10+ years so who can blame me, really?
  6. My technology addiction
    For real though. This one starts now.