My great aunt lives in Hawaii and we visited her a few years back. We made a list of the excellent old people humor/advice she gave us and this is the perfect place to share it. Here are some of the gems.
  1. I don't drink anymore, but I don't drink any less either
  2. I just realized you're not just sitting next to me, you're driving!
  3. As you mature you will realize what you once did all night will take you all night to do
  4. Waitress: "Your food is coming soon." Virg: "Yeah, so is christmas."
    Our breakfast took almost an hour and she was getting fed up with the wait. Note: it was also July.
  5. My mom: "You should get a walker." Virg: "Well I can't marry him. I don't want a piece of furniture I want a man!"
    And then not long after...
  6. My mom: "There might be some nice gentlemen friends in the retirement home." Virg: "Been there done that!"
  7. Do you need gas? Well I can give you some.
    Farts audibly
  8. Gotta keep up my reputation!
    Farts again the next night
  9. Hey wanna race?
    To another old lady in a wheelchair at the pineapple plantation
  10. My name is Virginia, virgin for short but not for long.
    Dirty old lady humor 👌🏻
  11. My mom: "Don't choke we have no firemen to save you." Virg: "There's one coming up on the left, just tell him to rub my chest."
  12. My mom: "We all have to go home and shower." Virg: "Hopefully not all at once!"