THE FIRST WEDDING I PHOTOGRAPHED

Weddings are awesome but tough to photograph. Unlike pictures of babies or dogs or whatever you can't be all, 'Whoa, hold on, I missed it, let's do that again!'
  1. Back in 2007 I posted on Craigslist that I would second/third shoot just for the experience
  2. A guy, let's call him FK, replied and said he had a wedding that Saturday
  3. He phoned and wanted to know - in detail - about every item of equipment I had
    I started to worry he was just planning to steal my equipment
  4. He asked me to pick him up at 1pm and drive him to the bride's house
    Umm, now I'm really worried, pick up a stranger and drive him somewhere? I made up a lame-ass excuse about how I was going to stay with a friend the night before
  5. I asked about the dress code
    He told me 'whatever', I dressed conservatively (Catholic mass y'all) in black. He wore a sweaty/stained white button-down over a green sweaty t shirt. He was kind of pungent.
  6. I arrived at the bride's house and he wasn't there
  7. FK shows up looking (and smelling) like he slept in a bar
  8. It's a nice day and they have a pretty front yard but he choses to take pictures in the basement
    I have to hold his homemade light stick - a broom handle with multiple flashes duct-taped to it
  9. Time to go to church. Bride in limo. FK tells me he doesn't have a car and I need to drive him.
  10. At church, lights are set up on the altar. Another random Craigslist dude is second shooting. I'm not given any instructions or direction.
  11. Bride walks down the aisle
    FK follows her, crawling guerrilla-style on his belly up the aisle. Each time he takes a picture it's like a lightening storm with all of his lights on the altar
  12. Priest stops ceremony and requests all photographers are seated and all lights are turned off
    Mortifying.
  13. It's now raining
    All post-ceremony pictures must be done indoors
  14. FK gathers the bridesmaids and groomsmen and screams at them 'DO SOMETHING FUN'
    I learn that this is not a good way to direct people ;)
  15. At the end of the wedding FK thanks me for my time and gives me $20 gas money