Things I'm Doing at Night Instead of Reading the New Yorker or Konmari-ing My Apartment

My unread stack of New Yorkers is nightstand high, which does not bring me joy. Yet instead of reading them, I'm spending the lone hour after my child and husband are asleep...
  1. Playing Plants vs. Zombies 2
    Every night. It's so good and the main thing I use my iPad for.
  2. Buying Random Things on Amazon
    Because I really need some spatulas. And that Shirley Jackson reissue paperback. Oooh look, single serving packets of almond butter!
  3. Completing maybe 8 halfhearted leg lifts
    Because something is better than nothing?
  4. Reading AV Club TV recaps of weeks-old episodes
    And then getting lost in the comment threads.
  5. Trying out a face mask
    And then incompletely washing it off my face so that I find remnants of muds and exfoliants on my pillow the next morning. This happens about once every 3 weeks.
  6. One more level of Plants vs. Zombies
    And then I start to drift off ... and whack myself in the face with the iPad.