THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
Hey guys here's the thing: I am a natural born kvetcher. LOTS of thing annoy me on a daily basis. I try to come from a place of peace and love but I just can't help it I am irritable.
- •BAD DRIVERSIf you are gonna cut me off, DO IT QUICKLY. The slow cut off makes me insane.
- •AIR BLOWING DIRECTLY ON ME
- •SMELLSIf you are going to be out in public or in a small space like an airplane or an elevator for gods sake wash up and brush your fangs it's so rude to make me deal with your gross body smells! And slow your roll with all the perfume/cologne. And leftover food smells? THE WORST. I am cursed with being a super smeller. It is my greatest power in this life and it is a burden.
- •LONG STORIES THAT GO NOWHEREI love a great anecdote. Bring 'em on! But if your story is prohibitively long and truly has no end/punchline/purpose I am going to hate you in my mind.
- •PRETENDING WE HAVE NEVER MET BEFOREHonestly get over yourself. I know you know we have met like 5 times! It doesn't make you look cool to pretend you don't remember! Unless you truly have memory issues and then I am sorry you get a pass.
- •BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR KIDLiterally no one cares about your kid except for you and your mom. Stop telling everyone you trap into listening to you that your kid has "tested off the charts" and is "bored in the gifted program" just stop it. Everyone hates you so much.
- •HUGGING ME WHEN YOU ARE SICKAssholes
- •PEOPLE WHO BLOCK DOORWAYSWhy do people stand in entryways spacing out or texting and then act completely shocked when a person says "Excuse me" when they want to enter or exit? It's like, you're standing in a doorway. Don't give me shade when I ask you to move!
- •ADULTS WHO MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT THEIR BIRTHDAYWho didn't love these people enough as children? Stop holding us hostage with your birthday! No one cares!
- •PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE ABOUT MY DOGSHi do you have eyes and a heart? Then acknowledge that my dogs are adorable.
- •PEOPLE WHO STAND ON LINE IN FRONT OF YOU FOR 10 MINUTES THEN WHEN IT IS THEIR TURN THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANTWhat. The. Fuck.
- •VOICEMAILSWho's got that kind of time? Just text me!
- •SHAKING HANDSCan we just stop this already? I don't know where your hand has been! A polite wave and a smile is just fine for a greeting, thanks.
- •UNEXPECTED KNOCKS AT MY FRONT DOORThis always annoys me but more often than not its the UPS guy and then I am happy because online shopping
- •PEOPLE WHO AGGRESSIVELY BLOW THEIR NOSE AT THE DINNER TABLEOh hey thanks for making me want to retch while I am trying to eat