THINGS THAT HAPPENED WHEN I DROVE MY PARENTS TO THE AIRPORT FOR THEIR TRIP TO JAPAN

  1. When I walked in the door, my dad handed me a manila folder containing their estate plan and will. Whenever they go out of town they act like they are for sure going to die.
  2. Then my dad showed off his new pants which he excitedly told me cost only 8 dollars. They were some sort of dead stock he got a deal on and he was PSYCHED.
  3. My mom tried to give me all of her produce that was going to go bad, including an onion that was at a minimum 3 weeks old, one plum and 3 carrots. "They are going to go bad!" she said.
  4. Before we go to the airport my mom wants to stop by the cemetery to see my grandparents graves. She won't be able to visit for 2 weeks and doesn't want my grandparents to feel abandoned. I understand this is insane.
  5. When we get to the cemetery my mom says "Oh grandma hasn't seen your new haircut!" When we get to the grave she says "Mom what do you think of Leslie's hair??"
  6. Three plots over from my grandparents there is a fresh grave. My mom goes over to see who it is and says "OH NO ITS ELLEN FRIEDMAN'S MOTHER" and my dad has an immediate reaction. "DON'T TELL HER YOUR PARENTS ARE SO CLOSE SHE WILL WANT TO COME WITH US AND SHE WILL NEVER EVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT".
  7. Apparently Ellen Friedman is a "real character" who has no social skills and is deeply disliked by my parents. I feel bad for Ellen. Like, she just wants to hang out with my parents.
  8. My parents are very fixated on the cemetery. My dad has already bought plots not just for them, but for my brother, me, our spouses and our children. Here is a picture of him posing at our family plot. My mom got mad at him for doing this and said it was morbid. He thought it was hilarious.
  9. We get in the car and my dad asks Siri what the time difference is between Tokyo and Los Angeles. A huge argument then ensues whether Japan is behind or or ahead of us. It culminates with my dad yelling "JESUS CHRIST IT DOESNT MATTER JUST DONT CALL US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGNT"
  10. I notice this is like the sixth time my dad has consulted with Siri. He really believes in her.
  11. We get to the airport three hours before their flight but they both act like they are super late and may miss their plane.
  12. When I help my mom pull her bag out of my trunk she screams with true terror "OH MY GOD BE CAREFUL OF YOUR NAILS"
  13. We say our goodbyes. They become very emotional. My dad looks me right in the eyes and tells me I am his gift from heaven. My mom squeezes me way too tightly and tells me she never imagined she would be so lucky to have me as her daughter.
  14. Keep in mind they are going on a foodie dream trip they have been planning for years, not going to Syria to rescue ISIS hostages. But they are Jews and always treat every goodbye like it may be our last, because just living life can be VERY DANGEROUS.
  15. This is them when I dropped them off
  16. I am gonna miss them and made them promise to text me a picture of every one of their meals and to bring me back tons of Japanese candy.