1. Chocolate covered pretzels
    These have been my ride or die #1 with a bullet choice since I was a small chubby child. First of all I am an active Chocoholic. I am not in recovery. I am currently using. Second, I love salt. Chocolate and salt AND crunchy together? YES PLEASE.
  2. Challah
    I am a challa- coholic I was raised kosher and there was always a homemade challah around. You have never seen anyone put a beatdown on any food like me devouring a challah. I always feel better when there is a challah in the house.
  3. Coke
    Devil in a red dress. Sweet sweet bubbly salvation. Goddamn I love a Coke. It will cure whatever ails you. A little nauseous? 3 sips of a Coke and you are good to go. A little tired? Half a Coke and it's back to business. Can it be used as a pesticide? Yes. Yes it can. Is it DELICIOUS? Hell yes. I prefer it from the gun, preferably from McDonalds. Those fuckers have perfected the fountain Coke.
  4. Tempura
    Japanese food is my most favorite. I am all cool and stay pretty healthy if I stay away from this perfect fried plate of nirvana. But once I start on that piece of scrimps tempura, I will murder that plate. I will have no memory of what even happened. I will even eat that sad piece of carrot because it is coated in tempura. Honestly if you fried a piece of wood I would eat it. But tempura just GETS ME.
  5. Martinelli's sparkling apple juice
    In high school I was getting ready to go to a party. My dad asked to speak with me. He sat me down and in the most dead serious way pulled out a bottle of Martinelli's and told me I could pour this in a cup and everyone would just think it was beer. Also I wasn't allowed any soda as a kid but we broke out the Martinelli's for every celebration. When I drink this I am 9 dancing with my grandpa and all is right with the world.
  6. Lays BBQ potato chips
    These chips own me. Straight up. I am officially not allowed to have them. I eat them until it stops being fun and my mouth burns. They are sweet and tangy and good lord they are a true blessing that Lay's has brought to this world.
  7. Rice
    Any kind. A pilaf, a jasmine, a sushi rice, a sticky rice (mmmmmmmm sticky rice) I love ALL OF IT. I could eat 10 bowls of rice I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU KOOKY GRAINS OF DELICIOUSNESS
  8. Fried chicken
    Hey fried chicken, why ya taste so good? You are crunchy and greasy and fall off the bone with your sexy ways. Sometimes I eat you with a waffle which is nice, but mostly I like you solo. Just you and me. Face to face. A couple of silver spoons.
  9. Oreos
    A miracle. A very important cookie. Maybe number 2 behind the classic chocolate chip. I can mow through 2 rows if I don't stop myself. Always eat the stuffing first and cookie part second. I do not dump it in milk because what am I some kind of health nut?
  10. Peanut M+M's
    It would be super cool if peanut M+M's could release their death grip over me. I am officially not allowed to have these. When I see them on the candy rack it is like a junkie who is sober seeing their old drug dealer. NOT TODAY PEANUT M+M'S, NOT TODAY