1. Calling their job or career choice "fun"
  2. Some good old fashioned arson
  3. Living well on social media
  4. Charming the crap out of somebody your enemy was supposed to charm (someone's parents, etc)
  5. Getting them a too big favor or present and telling them "I know things are rough for you now..."
  6. Needless pep talks that focus specifically on insecurities they don't even have yet (and your teeth look fine!)
  7. Buy them a weird dog. Now they're stuck with it.