DAYDREAM: HOW I'D BECOME PRESIDENT

  1. 1.
    Win an enormous lottery
    A cop out, but a crucial step.
  2. 2.
    Invest that money in public works and companies in swing states
    I would insist that a free market fixes things better than slow government and would do left-of-center things in Ohio, Florida and Nevada among others
  3. 3.
    These companies are made to break even
    I'm employing lots of people in swing states and doing cozy
  4. 4.
    Except that's money laundering
  5. 5.
    I've invested half of my lottery winnings in organized crime
  6. 6.
    This gives me a strong income return that evades scrutiny with my public image
  7. 7.
    Plus strengthened my ties with a powerful political organization who's interests are tied to mine
    Meaning; they win if I win. Easy enough
  8. 8.
    I leverage my public image to falsely plant grassroots ideas of me running for president
    Act like it's coming from within
  9. 9.
    My partners in organized crime grease the wheels lightly
    A scandal unearthed for a rival here and there wouldn't hurt
  10. 10.
    I run for president
  11. 11.
    I am actively polite, likable and thoughtful and avoid conflict
  12. 12.
    I lose
  13. 13.
    I am put on a shortlist of VP candidates by a less-liked but more qualified candidate
  14. 14.
    My partners in organized crime help winnow that list until only I remain
  15. 15.
    I'm seen as the secret sauce
  16. 16.
    People love me
  17. 17.
    They don't love the candidate I run under
  18. 18.
    We shine so bright compared to him
  19. 19.
    He loses
  20. 20.
    Four years later I run again
  21. 21.
    I capitalize on my publicity to become a party favorite
  22. 22.
    Party elites think I'm a safe bet
  23. 23.
    Likeable and well-known that they can manipulate to their ends
  24. 24.
    Sure
  25. 25.
    But what they don't know
  26. 26.
    Is I work with organized crime
  27. 27.
    Frankly, organized crime (American) wants fewer concessions than plutocracy
  28. 28.
    They get sweet construction gigs to embezzle and that's it
    A harmless billion or two for my allies is pretty small change corruption compares to oil wars, right?
  29. 29.
    So with party support, public support, and the secret sauce of the mob, I become president
  30. 30.
    After all this work, I've done it
  31. 31.
    I make America a better place
    Really.
  32. 32.
    And when all is said and done and the history books reveal this tangled web
  33. 33.
    People look at me and sigh, saying
  34. 34.
    "Those were the good old days."
  35. 35.
    "They don't make them like President Lev anymore."