EXPLAINING MY CURRENT SITUATION TO MY FIVE-YEARS-AGO SELF

  1. Let's start with the bad news
    You aren't wildly successful. I know, know; failure. Be realistic, though: maybe your standards are a little grandiose for a teenager who's still working on the whole laundry thing?
  2. But you're better, more fulfilled, stronger and happier than ever
    A pretty solid upside
  3. I know this sounds strange but personal peace is more important than external trappings and-
    Don't interrupt me! "The cowardly concessions of a failure?" Nice alliteration, 2010 Lev. Maybe if you wrote like that you'd have something published- oh, did I hit a nerve?
  4. No, fuck ~you~
    Living is hard! Daydreaming is easy! You don't get to complain I diverged from the plan- there ~was~ no plan! You stupid, lazy, no-talent sonofabitch, I'm locked into your body and soul and still paying the price.
  5. Oh, are you crying?
    God I hate you.
  6. This time machine sucks
    Screw you, 2010 Lev. I'm going to ingratiate myself with Drake. He's a rapper and- eh, forget it.