GENIUS* THINGS MY FRIEND JACOB INVENTED

My friend Jacob is a genius and a mess. He doesn't do any form of social media or else I'd put him on
  1. Going as Santa Claus for Halloween
    Unsettling and strange but also fair game on paper. The rare costume that's obvious in retrospect but have you ~ever~ seen this? It's genius. You can even use the costume in December!
  2. Putting your coat in the oven at crowded house parties
    A bad idea but kind of an awesome. When everyone's digging through a pile he opens the oven like a fucking magician to pull it out
  3. Insulting people's ears
    Let me explain. A football guy tried to fight me (long story) outside a party and Jacob was the only friend to step in by roundly and specifically insulting his ears. He completely changed the narrative and taught me a lesson- never engage an enemy at their strength. Instead, insult their ears.
  4. Throwing exactly one party
    ...and making it count. He threw only one party, on Christmas, and made it legendary. We just remembered how dope it was and he earned a rep with minimal work. He made a permanent memory where other parties are forgotten
  5. Dressing well
    "The better you dress, the longer it takes people to realize you're drunk"