PEOPLE I'M SO HAPPY FOR

  1. Everyone more successful than me!
  2. At my age!
  3. In my field!
  4. Wow, I'm so happy for you!
  5. That's why I'm smiling like this!
  6. With all these teeth!
  7. It's because I'm happy! Like a normal person would be!
  8. Wow! I'm so happy for you that I'm shaking!
  9. Hahahahaha
  10. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA
  11. Look, we're laughing!
  12. This is so much fun!
  13. At this place where no one can hear a shout or murmur.
  14. Get it? Like the several pieces you had published in the eponymous column!
  15. HAHAHHAHAHAHA
  16. Give me all your teeth
  17. No, no; that's just some of that "random Clickhole" humor.
  18. What I meant to say was: give me all your...
  19. Oh shit.
  20. Talent? Dedication? Hustle? Skill?
  21. Oh, Christ.
  22. It's a lot easier to resent you from afar, where jealousy and distance cloud the specifics.
  23. But up close, man; it's more admiration than anything elae
  24. And my own anxiety lashing out
  25. It feels better aimed at you than at me
  26. I'd hope you'll understand
  27. You probably will
  28. Wow
  29. I was hoping to end this angry joke rant with something else
  30. But you can't lie for a punchline and you can't withhold results you know to be true
  31. Huh
  32. I'm still going to be anxious though
  33. And jealous
  34. And resentful
  35. But maybe that's on me
  36. A flaw
  37. And not something justified
  38. That feels worse at first
  39. But it means something better
  40. Shit
  41. Is this what growing up is?