REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE, RANKED BY HOW EASY IT WOULD BE FOR ME TO BULLY THEM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

  1. 1.
    Jeb Bush
    Haha what a dweeb! I'd twist his nips and then turn my baseball cap backwards as he whined to teachers who were secretly on my side. Classic bully style
  2. 2.
    Ted Cruz
    Use your imagination.
  3. 3.
    Ben Carson
    He seems weird to make fun of so I'd have to just trick him a lot into weird pranks. "Hey Ben, did you know it's free pizza day at McDonalds? Go in. No, demand it. Totally. Go all in on this."
  4. 4.
    John Kasich
    I love him comparatively but c'mom he seems like a guy you could fuck around with.
  5. 5.
    Chris Christie
    Way meaner and weirder than Kasich; more deserving of a prank but more likely to freak out
  6. 6.
    Carly Fiorina
    Just seems unfun to engage with
  7. 7.
    Rand Paul
    Seems like he should be higher, right? Wrong. He will NEVER let anything go. He will hound you like a leathery demon from hell, pursuing you for revenge. No thanks.
  8. 8.
    Donald Trump
    Seems impossible to prank a man so baselessly confident and would melt my own mind trying to understand his.
  9. 9.
    Marco Rubio
    There's no way to tease him without looking like you have a crush on him. Invincible.