REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE, RANKED BY HOW EASY IT WOULD BE FOR ME TO BULLY THEM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
- 1.Jeb BushHaha what a dweeb! I'd twist his nips and then turn my baseball cap backwards as he whined to teachers who were secretly on my side. Classic bully style
- 2.Ted CruzUse your imagination.
- 3.Ben CarsonHe seems weird to make fun of so I'd have to just trick him a lot into weird pranks. "Hey Ben, did you know it's free pizza day at McDonalds? Go in. No, demand it. Totally. Go all in on this."
- 4.John KasichI love him comparatively but c'mom he seems like a guy you could fuck around with.
- 5.Chris ChristieWay meaner and weirder than Kasich; more deserving of a prank but more likely to freak out
- 6.Carly FiorinaJust seems unfun to engage with
- 7.Rand PaulSeems like he should be higher, right? Wrong. He will NEVER let anything go. He will hound you like a leathery demon from hell, pursuing you for revenge. No thanks.
- 8.Donald TrumpSeems impossible to prank a man so baselessly confident and would melt my own mind trying to understand his.
- 9.Marco RubioThere's no way to tease him without looking like you have a crush on him. Invincible.