REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE, RANKED BY HOW EASY IT WOULD BE FOR ME TO BULLY THEM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
- •Jeb BushHaha what a dweeb! I'd twist his nips and then turn my baseball cap backwards as he whined to teachers who were secretly on my side. Classic bully style
- •Ted CruzUse your imagination.
- •Ben CarsonHe seems weird to make fun of so I'd have to just trick him a lot into weird pranks. "Hey Ben, did you know it's free pizza day at McDonalds? Go in. No, demand it. Totally. Go all in on this."
- •John KasichI love him comparatively but c'mom he seems like a guy you could fuck around with.
- •Chris ChristieWay meaner and weirder than Kasich; more deserving of a prank but more likely to freak out
- •Carly FiorinaJust seems unfun to engage with
- •Rand PaulSeems like he should be higher, right? Wrong. He will NEVER let anything go. He will hound you like a leathery demon from hell, pursuing you for revenge. No thanks.
- •Donald TrumpSeems impossible to prank a man so baselessly confident and would melt my own mind trying to understand his.
- •Marco RubioThere's no way to tease him without looking like you have a crush on him. Invincible.