1. An M.Night directed porno
  2. Sitting next to Neil DeGrasse Tyson during the next Star Wars movie
  3. Being Kanye West's therapist
  4. Having your ex be a critically acclaimed sex journalist and being in the lose-lose of it being thinly veiled about you or someone else
  5. Having a "friend for life" from third grade keep hitting you up for favors and reverently citing your insane promises to each other
  6. Being the lone fact-checked for the Sci-Fy channel and having to be like "uh, giant spiders couldn't have flamethrowers" knowing they're just going to ignore you
  7. Being a platonic female friend of Drake's