THINGS YOU CAN DO TO INSTANTLY FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE TOGETHER

Because life is hard
  1. Floss
    Extra points if your gums don't bleed!
  2. Put a glass of water on your bedside table at night
    Extra points if you're sober
  3. Buy kale at the grocery store
    Only counts if you actually eat it
  4. Go to the dry cleaners
    Extra points if you're actually a paying customer while there
  5. Complete a crossword puzzle
    I don't even care if you cheat, that shit is hard
  6. Know where your keys/wallet are
    Sorry, phone is too easy and thus, doesn't count