I LITERALLY JUST CANT

  1. when you can't decide if you're more tired or more hungry.
  2. when someone throws a surprise party for a co-worker's double mastectomy.
    for example, a surprise lunch 'send off' at work for a woman before she gets a double mastectomy. as if it's her birthday. a 20-person department is invited to celebrate in a windowless conference room. Question: what do you yell when she walks in for the surprise, "surprise, you have cancer!"??
  3. with the weather.
  4. when it takes 8 hrs to drive back from Vegas.
  5. twitter
    sorry to everyone on list app.
  6. tinder
  7. lady gaga
  8. when you hit snooze for an hour.
  9. when your co-worker leaves her IVF needles in the community fridge.
  10. when you lock yourself out of your apartment.
  11. when you can't do the math for the tip. ever.
    [without a calculator]
  12. when you set your alarm to PM vs AM.
  13. when you subconsciously start replacing "literally" with "actually" in your vocabulary when you're trying to articulate something for real.
  14. when the person you're talking about is right behind you.
    even though it's something you'd say to their face, obvi.
  15. when someone doesn't tell you when you have something in your teeth.
  16. alarm clocks in general.
    not a morning person, clearly.