THINGS I SAY IN EMAILS OR ON CONFERENCE CALLS THAT ARE SO ANNOYING BUT I LITERALLY DONT CARE

sometimes I'm a corporate sell out & it's the worst, sorry guys. also it's currently 9:46pm in NYC & I'm on a call with China lead by someone named Lili who calls me "NY Lily" & it's v. confusing.
  1. "We" or "we'll" in email
    I [almost] never use first person via email. This is vague, less threatening, and makes it so it's never my fault when something goes wrong. I learned to never take the blame (unless I'm being passive aggressive, which happens often) from my insane co-workers as a mode of survival that I only use for my day job (I have many jobs, that's a different list tho).
  2. Let's circle back
    when you didn't have time to prep for the call so you have nothing to say. the whole thing is a waste of time.
  3. Please advise.
    self explanatory passive aggressive way of asking a question that's generally either a) efficient or b) will force that person to speak to you in person (this is only used on email).
  4. Offline
    So cryptic.
  5. we're talking to ourselves (again).
    when a meeting is taking a detour or when a request is beyond.
  6. Net net
    BOTTOM LINE can we please end this conversation bc i literally just can't anymore. Or these are the results. Or long story short. Or ugh, who am I and did I seriously just say that? ew. I actually don't even say this for work anymore, I just say it IRL & I always make this face when I catch myself: 🙈
  7. What's the strategy?
    Everyday. I kind of like this one bc I can apply it to literally everything in a fucked up but kind of deep way
  8. I literally just can't.
    EVERYDAY. mainly when speaking to @hmerris
  9. Can I ask a question?
    I never say this but someone just did on this call & it's passive aggressive & sort of funny. & a waste of time.