I just got off the phone with God and ...

  1. Guys it's ok, he's sorry he screwed up recently ; he will try to leave Haiti alone for a while too.
  2. He also told me something, saying I should advertise his new club, cause there has been some misconceptions
  3. See God is indeed the bouncer of this hot club called Heaven. But He's tired of people telling other people who can or can't get in
  4. So here it is, His official instructions :
  5. If you had tons of sex before marriage
    You can get in
  6. If you never got married
    You can get in
  7. If you never had sex (before marriage) (or in general)
    You can get it; and ok he'll give a free shot as an extra gift
  8. If you had sex with someone that have the same genitals you have
    You can get in
  9. If married that person
    You can get in
  10. If he screwed up and didn't give you the right genitals/body/Sex you identify with
    He's sorry he screwed and you can get in. You can also get a free bottle of your choose as an apologize
  11. If you were refused the entrance of a club on earth because of your skin color ; or if your got refused more important things entrance (like job, love, kindness) to others because of it
    He's sorry too, please come in.
  12. If you don't believe in him or in that Heaven club
    Maybe you're right ! But you still can get it; he heard you have great dance move !
  13. If you ate pork despite following one of the anti pork schools he built
    You can get in
  14. If you've never eaten pork
    Come in, have a seat and try some bacon !
  15. Oh AND IF YOU EVER THOUGHT SOMEONE COULDN'T GET TO HEAVEN BECAUSE OF HIS RACE, GENDER; SEXUAL PREFERENCE, RELIGION OR ANY OTHER REASON :
    YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US, you'll never get in.