So hum. Trigger warning I guess. Cause that's my mood at the moment, and we shouldn't hide it when it's the case. Opening about it will hopefully be cathartic
  1. I'm an adult, that most of the time speak my mind out
    (Still sometimes don't, to be honest, but when it doesn't really concern me or don't want to be rude etc)
  2. And even if I know there are some good things about me and my life
  3. There's this girl that keeps getting my spirit down
  4. She doesn't do anything to me per say, like physically
  5. But her words are so cruel
  6. She knows exactly where to aim the shot to press where it hurts
    With just a word or just a look
  7. She started harassing me years ago, she tells me about being a failure, a fraud, or someone no one will ever love
  8. Sometimes she even goes to the physical appearance insults, calling me fat and ugly
  9. Once she catches me, she never lets me go
  10. It's like she enjoys doing that to me
  11. The worst part is that I know better, that I know her opinion doesn't matter or is wrong
  12. But I keep hearing and listening to it
  13. And it affects me. A lot.
  14. She has managed to let me stay in instead of going out some nights cause she told me I'm too lame to go out
  15. She has managed to let me not call my friend when I needed to cause she told me they wouldn't care
  16. She has managed to make me feel like a fraud and incompetent
  17. She's been hunting and hurting me for years.
  18. Sometimes she leaves for days, weeks, months, year...
  19. And then she comes back and stay for awhile : sometimes just an hour other times an entire month.
  20. She's here when I wake up, she's here to prevent me for sleepings
  21. She hates me. She's not my friend.
  22. I know that.
  23. And I know that she only exists in my head.
  24. But I can't help it.
  25. Amy Poehler defined that in her book as a inner demon, that terrible "demon voice" in your head
    Her advice is to treat yourself as you do with your friends and frankly I give good advices to my friends, I should apply them to me.
  26. I'm trying.
    By, for example talking about it out loud, exposing my bully, fighting her, cause it's supposed to get better.
  27. But damn. Demon Lisa's a bitch.