On Kippour, Traditions, Faith, Grieving and moving on

  1. I know what a title huh ?
  2. So tonight at 7 pm in France Kippour starts
    Explaining for the "goys" or Jews wanna be (namely @jesszaffino ) : also known as Day of Atonement, this is the holiest day of the year that must be 100% dedicated to G.od. That's why we aren't working, we're fasting, not using electricity etc you're only supposed to pray and be pardoned for sins
  3. I come from a traditionalist family meaning we would only do the major Jewish holidays like Passover and rosh ha-Shana ; my parents and grand parents like many French Ashkenazy eat pork etc
    My dad didn't get to do his bar mitzvah, my grand parents (like many after the war) rejected religion. so my bro doing his was a big deal and that's when I stopped eating pork (when he started prepping it, so I was around 8/9) ; I don't really believe in G.od but I do believe in tradition, community, roots and people/ancestors moving
  4. As for Kippour I've never worked that day; my parents neither, that's one of the big one my grandparents did : so no school or work that day !
  5. I remember touring the synagogues with my parents a bit when I was young
  6. But after my grandad death we ended up mostly at the same synagogue
  7. And since middle or high school, I was going there with my cousin and my parents would eventually drop by to say hello to relatives
  8. Around that time I started fasting (maybe sooner for that one) and doing it big: no electricity, walking 1h to go to the synagogue etc
    What orthodox do every week for Shabbat really, but for me it was (and still is) all in for that day, cause except not eating pork I don't do much regarding religion so I figure it's the go big or go home holidays you know (so if I'm offline all day tomorrow: didn't quite li.st because of the update. For now. )
  9. My parents couldn't care less for example my mum still has the last gift my father offered her: leather boots bought on the way to the synagogue
    It's hilarious when you know you can't wear leather nor have money and do any exchange on that day
  10. Also my dad did the Kippour Golf Tournament with his best friend that day: they would go golfing (hey that's what taking a day off is for) and the loser would pay a classic French sandwich "jambon beurre" to the winner (baguettte with ham and butter)
    So yeah you know him and me better I guess
  11. Then when my dad passed away I kept going to that synagogue with my cousin especially cause of the passage where they read name of passed away people
  12. My dad passed away 10 years ago, I started doing it before he passed so I'd say I went there for 15 years.
  13. But the last few times we went it wasn't that meaningful
  14. But still it's a tradition
  15. One year despite going there I missed the name thing
  16. A great aunt saw me in the park near the synagogue and was surprised that she didn't see me there
  17. Few years ago I would have been mortified to have missed it, but truth is , i don't need to hear his names between 1000 other ones to think of him
  18. Last year my cousin was newly wed but she told me she still wanted to Come with me and we went but it was a bit weird I can't go through details
  19. So I knew what was coming, no news from her for weeks.. and just today after I called her she sent me a text telling me she'll stay at her home this year
  20. Of course I was a bit disappointed that a 15 years old tradition would end in a text but it's not just like that and also..
  21. Well I don't go to private on here (I said not toooo private) but my life was torn upside down this year so other traditions like pessah and tosh ha-Shana where not.. well traditional this year
  22. And I'm ok
  23. Cause at the end even if traditions are good, are tomorrows memory, and a comfort zone it's not what matters in the end
  24. It wasn't easy but it's wasn't difficult
  25. Life just goes on and you can have new traditions
  26. I was mostly bummed to be alone tomorrow night as my grandma is sick and we usually have diner at her place
  27. I didn't felt like going to that traditional synagogue, I didn't want to see some people and answer their questions, I didn't want to go there without my cousin, I felt guilty not being there on the 10th anniversary year of my dad's passing but I also realized this isn't about forcing you to do things, au contraire
    To be fair I don't have ANY SINS NOR THINGS I SHOULD BE PARDONED FOR IM THE NICEST and I have only bad news all year so should I even be Kippour this year ?!
  28. But on a phone with a friend she told me she'd be at a synagogue nearby my house so I was like oh maybe I'll join you
  29. And 5 minutes her husband called me and invited me at his sister's for diner after
  30. And it's gonna be a great night
  31. And as my grandma just said on the phone there will be other holidays