Reasons you'll realize I'm a disappointing French when meeting me

Inspired by my upcoming USA TWO CITIES WORLD TOUR
  1. My accent isn't sexy
    It takes me some work to do an overly French accent, or worst: I'm sure I don't have one when I do
  2. I don't drink red wine
    Sorry not sorry
  3. I don't even smoke
    Ugh how lame, should I bring cigarettes in the US just for when I meet you all ? And fake smoke ? Is that cool ? (At least I don't vape so THATS cool)
  4. I'll make women that bought the "French women don't get fat" book cried as they realize it was a lie !
  5. I'm not sexy nor slutty
    Sorry we won't fuck ! :( Nor do a 3some with your friend. It's not very me (but i can introduce you to some friends). (last 2 times I went to the US, FOUR times men clearly thought our night (four different ones) will end up with 3some with my friends, that doesn't come from nothing !!) also more on NOT fulfilling your clichés hopes YOUR IDEAL FRENCH WOMAN CLICHÉS... AND ME.
  6. And more importantly and sadly, I'll have not totally symmetric eyebrows
    I'm so so so sorry please still be my friend