and I'm sure I'll hear plenty more of this garbage until the day I finally experience the welcomed embrace of Death's merciful release.
  1. "I'm just so busy with work, and the gym. I really need to focus on that. I need to be like a planet - with a the other things in my life moving around me."
    Said Douche Canoe 2016 to a friend of mine, via text. Work and the gym - what a burden you bear, Sir. Also: Yes, he essentially called himself a planet, suggesting she yield to the whims of his gravitational pull. AKA show up for sex then GTFO unless he feels like crying about something to her. Literal tears - happened at least five times in two weeks. GETOUTNOW. SHE IS SO BAD AT PICKING MEN.
  2. "Why should your husband want a pet dog when he already has a cat at home?"
    Said some guy I met at a work function. We had been talking for 10 minutes and I told him my husband wants to get a puppy. I didn't even catch that he was being crude until he winked at me. He was 54 and had just finished telling me about his daughter who is only a few years younger than me. I am 29.
  3. "I live with my mom right now, but the four cats are mine."
    Said a man who I dated. Great job ignoring that red flag, Self.
  4. "Daaang. Some girls just look good anorexic"
    Said this shitbag I was dating in college. I LOVED TO PICK HORRIBLE MEN.
  5. "Where's my princess?! There she is - my beautiful wife!"
    Said my husband, as he climbed into bed, while I was typing this list. 💙 I guess I'll end it here☺️