SKILLS THAT WILL NOT HELP ME IN THE EVENT OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Watching The Walking Dead just reminds me that my two liberal arts degrees won't get me too far in an apocalyptic situation. Currently taking resumés for the Daryl to my Beth (yeah, yeah, yeah I know how that goes, but still).
  1. Close reading
    Re-re-re-reading a brief passage so as to interpret deep critical meaning....will get me nowhere. The only close reading skill needed in the Zombie Apocalypse would be a superhuman ability to read signs from really far away (so as to stay under safe cover).
  2. Grant writing
    Probably won't be able to ask the government to fund my survival for humanitarian purposes.
  3. Efficient note-taking
    I take excellent notes. Seriously. I'm detailed but quick. So useless in every other setting besides academia and once in awhile, my current non-profit job.
  4. Editing/Proof reading
    My colleagues constantly ask me to edit and proof read their work--press releases, grants, training materials, speeches, you name it. And I actually enjoy it! But nobody's gonna be asking me to do that when they're being chased be the living dead.
  5. Coffee consumption
    I like it strong and hot and frequent*. Actually maybe this would come in handy...which is giving me another List idea. Staying caffeinated would be important during the Zombie Apocalypse. But what if there's no coffee?! *that's what she said
  6. Research skills
    This won't save me in a hand-to-hand combat situation, BUT if I survive long enough we may have a rebuilding-the-world situation and I can see how researchers would be needed. But probably not those with interest in the Long 18th Century, or the intersection of Modern Art and Literature.
  7. Writing
    Same as above.