Things that I would tweet about if my parents didn't follow me on Twitter

It is really ruining my witty coolness factor
  1. Basically any time that they do something weird and British
  2. Anytime that I get overly emotional and I want to publicly blame my mother's genetics because she's the reason I'm like this
  3. Any joke about sexual relationships of any kind
    The Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell policy heavily applied to my upbringing
  4. How I never intend on moving back to my hometown - ever
    They're already panicking about me moving away for law school, and they're operating under the assumption that I'll be back
  5. How I used to sneak out of the house literally all the time in high school
    Self explanatory. There are some good stories here and I would love to share my expertise with the world, but I also don't want to open that can of worms
  6. The Mic article I just rolled across called "Study suggests men are making women's orgasms all about themselves"
    I know this. Every woman knows this.
  7. Last night my mother called me on her way home from work and asked me to order Chinese food for her to pick up. I don't live with her.
  8. My dad just called me in a panic about my student loans and how much money I have saved for travel. He does not think it's a lot of money. And he seems to think I'm not going to be able to kill 3 months in Europe?? I mean, what? Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?