Please don't buy me flowers/plants.

First off, though I like the idea of plants and flowers I've truly never asked for them on any occasion. Never even hinted that I wanted them either. Like, yes, they're beautiful but I don't want them in my life. here's why...
  1. 1.
    This "green thumb" people speak of... I don't have it. Not a little, not at all. I'm not good with keeping things alive. People? Yes, I'll raise the hell outta these kids but don't ask me to care for a plant.
    I was once given grass to keep alive for my daughters school project thing. It literally died two days later. Maybe it knew, it sensed, that it wasn't going to last long so it just gave up. Who knows.
  2. 2.
    I have children. Living, breathing, human beings that I have to worry about, feed, clean, love and nurture, and protect. So why on earth would I want a plant. Like I don't have enough going on in my life that now I have to try to keep a plant alive. No thanks.
  3. 3.
    They attract insects. And if you know me, and even if you don't, you can see that I effing hate insects. "Friendly" or not friendly...get outta my face and get outta my house. Tell your little insect friends, too. Not welcome here!
  4. 4.
    People have found and given me "sturdy" plants before thinking that I couldn't possibly kill it and somehow I always end up proving them wrong. Next step is probably a cactus and I just know I won't disappoint.
  5. 5.
    Again, I have kids. Is it not stressful enough trying to keep them alive. A plant, too???
  6. 6.
    I'm not gonna lie. I've given up, too. I barely try now and I sort of feel bad killing, or rather, letting an innocent plant/flower die and wasting that person's money. So just stop already. Stop trying to make fetch happen...