THINGS MY MOTHER SAYS AFTER TWO GLASSES OF WINE

Here we go.
  1. "When I retire I want to become an Uber driver. I'd be good at that!"
  2. "Where do you want me to be buried? Should I get a place for both of us?"
  3. Apparently everyone is invited.
  4. "Your father was half sinner, half saint."
    She suddenly developed an Irish accent for that one.
  5. "I want you to marry the son I never had and have 3 children."